Dear 2020, Thank you.
I want to start off by saying I realize how privileged I am to write what I am about to write. While the purpose of this post is to appreciate all this last year has taught me, I can’t celebrate all the good without first acknowledging the bad. 2020 will be the year the world remembers for the pandemic, civil rights movements and protests, massive unemployment, natural disasters, and continued political unrest. I saw friends lose loved ones, others lose their jobs, and many struggled to keep their businesses afloat while doing their best to navigate never-ending policy changes and lack of guidance and direction. Many were lonely, confused, and angry. For those of you who suffered in any way this year, I am truly sorry and please know you are not alone. But through all of this pain and turmoil, I also saw people being incredibly generous, innovative and creative. I witnessed people (like myself) being shaken from their apathetic state and begin to reflect, reevaluate, learn, and take action. So, I’d like this post to celebrate all the incredible triumphs that occurred.
2020 will be the year I remember slowing down and letting go. I am one of those people that likes to be busy. I enjoy challenging myself and those around me to do more, be more, learn more. I equated titles with success, and the more I could earn, the more successful I felt. But none of that mattered this year. A lot of the unnecessary clutter that I had been filling my days with was cut out when I began working from home. I had the opportunity to spend more time with my husband than ever before and we were finally able to take the necessary steps forward to start our family. We began the process to become certified foster parents with the goal to adopt. We started watching Elevation Church on Sundays and became a part of a church family for the first time in years. We got to truly pay attention to Tana, B + G Kitties as they wondered if they would ever be able to have the house to themselves again. We found new ways to connect with our friends and family through video calls, Zoom parties, and texts checking in to see how everyone was doing. The junk had been cut out and we were finally able to focus on what truly mattered.
After being postponed for months due to Covid, I was able to go in for laparoscopy surgery, which both diagnosed and treated the severe endometriosis I had been struggling with for over 10 years. This procedure helped give me the answers that I needed about the pain I had been experiencing as well as reset my body to start fertility treatments right away. Most of my year I looked like this…
going to appointments alone due to restrictions, chilling out (not really, I was a complete nervous mess), and masked up on exam tables. Over the next few months, Dr. Erika Munch and her team at Texas Fertility Center tried a number of different oral and injectable medications, doses, and more to no avail. There really is no better combination to make you feel completely out of control of your own body and life than fertility treatments paired with a pandemic.
By the time September rolled around, my body needed a break. After discussing with Carl, we had decided to do one final IUI cycle before pausing treatment and starting IVF in the new year. This was the first time I was choosing to fully let go and give it up to God. If you have been following along on our journey, you know what happened next! We received news we were pregnant, and we finally got to share the news with my parents + Carl’s mama Rita.
It’s amazing what happens when all of the unnecessary clutter is stripped from your life in a matter of days. When there aren’t any more set plans, dates, and times. When all you are certain of is that tomorrow will bring more uncertainty. But it was in this place that I found my faith. Yes, I was anxious, angry, fearful, and confused. But I also began to trust that even though I can’t see it or know all the details, there is plan. So thank you 2020, for all that you took out of my life. It truly made room for all that is to come.